Chapter 004: Obsession

During the Battle of Dingjiazhu, Jia Sidao fled before the battle, was dismissed from his position, and was killed by the escorting officials while being exiled.

Then, the Pu family of Quanzhou rose up to massacre the Zhao family of Quanzhou and the Huaixi soldiers in Quanzhou. Zhao Jiaran fought valiantly and killed several bandits. However, being outnumbered and isolated, he ultimately fell victim to the siege and was killed

"Third Young Master, will stopping in Suzhou delay our matters?" the house servant Zhao Yong asked, quite perplexed.

"Good." Zhao Jiaran replied succinctly.

This was originally a good thing, however, for more than the past two years, the Zhao family has been aware of it

Even if he firmly believes that there are no souls in the world, and even if he knows deeply that these pains do not stem from the body, but rather exist within the connections of neurons, and that it is the human comparative thinking patterns that evoke these memories. However, Zhao Jiaran can only refrain from touching these memories; once they are activated, the intense pain torments his spirit like a branding iron.

"It is of no consequence," Zhao Jiaran said calmly, and then sat cross-legged on the mat in the large cabin. Jia Sidao was quite capable of handling affairs and specifically hired a large boat for Zhao Jiaran to travel along the canal to the capital. At this moment, the boat was anchored in Taihu Lake, and Zhao Jiaran instructed the boat to stop at Pingjiang Prefecture, which is just outside Suzhou

As I casually strummed for a while, I suddenly noticed a small boat following the returning pleasure boat, with a lantern held high, approaching the vessel where Zhao Jiaran was. Moments later, as the small boat drew near, a clear voice called out: "May I ask which gentleman is playing the zither? May I have the pleasure of meeting him?"

In recent days, Zhao Yong has gradually established a master-servant mentality while following Zhao Jiarun's orders along the way. Zhao Jiarun gives commands, and Zhao Yong does not dare to disobey. He felt that he should express something further, so he asked: "Young Master, may I brew you a pot of tea"

The night grew increasingly deep, and there was no moon today; inside the boat, one could not see their hand in front of their face. Zhao Yong lay quietly, feeling that his hearing had become more acute. He could even hear the faint breathing of the Third Young Master, Zhao Jiaran. Could it be that the young master was meditating in a cross-legged position and had actually fallen asleep? Zhao Yong, feeling drowsy, had this thought fleetingly cross his mind, and then he fell asleep.

In the previous life, Zhao Jiaran did not know why he unexpectedly possessed this body. In the previous life, Zhao Jiaran studied diligently for twenty years and finally passed the imperial examination at the age of 26. That year was 1266, and after that year, the Battle of Xiangyang officially broke out. Ten years later, Zhao Jiaran started as a low-ranking official and finally returned to the capital to serve as an official in 1270.

As a servant of the Zhao family, Zhao Yong was well aware that Zhao Jiarun, who was considered a genius and had always taken his studies seriously, had been suffering from sleep difficulties since he fell ill over two years ago. During the first year after his illness, there was not a single night when Zhao Jiarun did not wake up screaming from a nightmare. When Zhao Yong kept watch at night, he often saw the young master sitting in the study, dressed in a robe, his face pale and drenched in sweat, reading books.

In the year 1276, Lin'an surrendered. Before his time travel, he had obtained a Doctor's degree in psychology in the United States and worked as a psychologist, showing no interest in the Song Dynasty history and lacking understanding of it. However, Zhao Jiaran was at least aware of the outcome of 'Yashan Tohai'. At the age of 36, Zhao Jiaran escaped back to Quanzhou, intending to take his family to sea for refuge

In the year 1273, the city of Fancheng was breached and massacred, and the defending general of Xiangyang, Lü Wenhuan, could no longer hold out and surrendered the city. Zhao Jiaran demanded that Jia Sidao allocate funds to him, as he intended to use this money to cast cannons and manufacture guns, preparing to fight to the death against the Yuan army. Amidst the dispute between the two parties, a furious Jia Sidao angrily rebuked Zhao Jiaran, saying, "Do you wish to rebel!"

Zhao Yong stepped down, and Zhao Jiaran stood at the bow of the boat with his hands behind his back. There was no moon, and the stars in the sky shone brightly as if they were within reach. Zhao Jiaran looked up for a while, then gently stroked the area where his chest and abdomen met with his left hand. There was nothing unusual there, but Zhao Jiaran could clearly 'feel' the intense pain from when the tip of the long spear pierced that spot.

At this moment, the effects of the wine intensified his drowsiness, and Zhao Jiaran returned to the cabin with the zither in his arms. Without even undressing, he placed the zither into the darkness beside him and lay down, quickly falling into a deep sleep.

As a psychologist, Zhao Jiarun understands that intense stimuli can leave a profound impression on individuals. In some extreme cases, soldiers who have lost limbs can still 'clearly feel pain in the missing limbs.' While studying in school and working as a doctor in a hospital, Zhao Jiarun could explain these phenomena with logically rigorous papers; however, when pain was etched in his eyes and imprinted on his body, he realized how powerless those papers truly were.

Zhao Yong brought over the tea, and Zhao Jiarun urged Zhao Yong to take a rest while he continued to write with great speed. What he wrote were all the tasks he intended to undertake in the future, centered around the things he needed to accomplish, along with various pieces of intelligence he had gathered and his analyses of that intelligence. Ding Daqian faced many enemies in the court; to gain the recognition of the current Emperor Song Lizong, Ding Daqian needed to achieve great merit. Undoubtedly, water conservancy construction was the best choice. Ding Daqian faced many enemies in the court; to gain the recognition of the current Emperor Song Lizong, Ding Daqian needed to achieve great merit. Undoubtedly, water conservancy construction was the best choice.

Compared to this pain and the intense negative emotions it brings, everything that once excited Zhao Jiaran has become as bland as water

Later, Zhao Jiaran gradually improved, at least no longer experiencing night terrors. However, Zhao Yong could clearly sense that the turmoil within Zhao Jiaran had not dissipated; Zhao Jiaran's recovery was merely a result of his efforts to control himself. This, in turn, made Zhao Yong even more worried.

Zhao Yong, upon seeing the appearance of the Third Young Master, could not help but ask: "Third Young Master, would you like me to light some incense for you?"

After a while, Zhao Jiaran's breathing suddenly became heavy and rapid. After a moment, Zhao Jiaran stood up and walked out of the cabin, letting out a mournful cry to the sky. This commotion startled Zhao Yong, who groggily got up and made his way to the bow of the boat, only to see the young master standing there with his hands behind his back. Upon hearing Zhao Yong approach, Zhao Jiaran coldly said: "You should go to sleep. I want to be alone for a while."

Zhao Yong did not speak again; he lay fully clothed on the bunk in the cabin of the bedroom. The sailors, having learned that they would be docking in Suzhou for a few days, happily went ashore. The ship was moored at the dock of Taihu Lake, and the person on watch had already gone to sleep. The interior of the ship was enveloped in silence

Zhao Jiaran felt drowsy at this moment, and he coldly replied: "I am already drunk today. If you wish to meet, let us talk again tomorrow"

After finishing, Zhao Jiaran carefully read what he had written several times. Then he burned all the written material.

In his previous life, the only thing Zhao Jiaran had no regrets about was that when he was besieged by the bandits of the Pu family in Quanzhou, he relied on his own martial skills to kill several bandits. Amid the suffering caused by his obsessions, only this matter allowed Zhao Jiaran to regain his courage. Killing one was breaking even, killing two was making a profit. From a personal perspective, Zhao Jiaran had actually gained quite a few.

Although Zhao Jiaran made an effort to smile and say "It's nothing, I just can't sleep" in response to others' inquiries, the elders could easily see that this child was enduring a cruel inner torment. Zhao Zhizhuo, the head of the Zhao family, even privately invited monks and Taoist priests to perform rituals, hoping to dispel the evil spirits in the house. He even suspected that the feng shui of the ancestral home was poor, wondering if some malevolent force had affected the clever and bright Zhao Jiaran.

As soon as the voice fell, one could hear that person respond: "I apologize for disturbing your mood, and I hope you can forgive me." After saying this, the small boat gracefully turned its bow and decisively departed.

Even so, Zhao Jiaran still felt that his strength was too weak. The previous life proved one thing: staying in Lin'an and engaging in power struggles with those influential ministers, Zhao Jiaran would never gain the upper hand. Attempting to collaborate with the ministers through his own abilities, Zhao Jiaran's family background was too thin. His family could be considered among the not poor in Quanzhou, yet they were not even on par with the local bullies.

After sipping slowly for a while, Zhao Jiaran felt the effects of the alcohol taking hold. He returned to the cabin to fetch his guqin. After tuning it for a moment, he began to play. This pleasantly tipsy sensation was delightful; as the effects of the alcohol intensified, Zhao Jiaran would soon be able to return to sleep. Based on his experience, he would likely enjoy a good rest.

Watching the paper turn to ashes, Zhao Jiaran crushed the ashes with a stick, then picked up the wine that Jia Sidao had given him and returned to the bow of the boat. Under the starlight, Taihu Lake appeared hazy and enchanting. The brightly lit pleasure boats traversing the lake brought Zhao Jiaran a sense of joy. Even knowing the fate of a fallen nation, witnessing people genuinely seeking pleasure and merriment was quite an interesting affair.

"No need." Zhao Jiaran replied with his eyes closed, a hint of subtle anger in his voice

Even though Zhao Jiaran was very eager to pursue an official career, he had no choice but to make other plans. If it was impossible to follow the planned path to success, then Zhao Jiaran had to turn to collaborate with others who could advance together. The Southern Song was certainly not lacking in those who boasted and offered grandiose advice on governance, but it was proven that relying on such empty rhetoric was fundamentally no match for the Yuan army

After standing for a while, Zhao Jiaran returned to the cabin, lit a candle, and began to write. Over the course of more than two years of various attempts, Zhao Jiaran discovered that the only way to escape suffering was to focus intently on work. Any fanciful imagination would ultimately lead Zhao Jiaran back into pain.